Good-bye 3 Week Depression

I lived with depression for 6 years and was freed from it's bonds in 2002, but since living here it has hit me twice.

It was Friday, February 19 when a wave of undescribable tiredness hit me. It was Sunday, February 20 when I let the little things in family life get me down. I thought...it's hormonal...it will go away with my girls' weekend at the spa. It didn't.

The mommy I had prayed for over a year to become and was becoming starting last January was fading away. Anger, frustration, and a spirit of unrest was controlling my every move. Blogging overwhelmed me. Putting on make-up overwhelmed me. I was constantly on the verge of tears and always wanting someone to hold me. My phone conversations were rare and rash with Scott. I slept with my back to my husband, although I wanted him near. He wasn't aware.

On March 4 I shared with my Bible Study friends that I was slipping into my old mommy habits and needed prayer. I was almost 2 full weeks into my depression without realizing fully acknowledging it.

This past week I studied the chapter in The Power of a Praying Woman "Lord, Deliver Me from Every Evil Work." It was this chapter that helped me realize that "no matter how spiritual we are, we're still made of flesh. No matter how perfectly we live, we still have an enemy who is trying to erect strongholds of evil in our lives" (171). Jesus taught us to pray, "Deliver us from the evil one" (Mt 6:13). It wasn't just hormonal...it was the ENEMY. I realized that it was because Christ was winning the battle in me to become a better mommy that Satan went full force ahead and hit me where I have a history of being weak.

Before February 19 I had many conversations about my faith with friends who thought it was foolishness. I was thankful for the conversations, but they were weighing me down. My friends were making me question myself more than I was probably making them question. This was a contribution to my spirit of unrest.

On Sunday, March 6 I participated without much enthusiasm in our family devotion. I admitted to my husband my spiritual unrest. This WAS NOT easy.

This past week with the help of Omartian's book, I began praying that God would restore my joy in Him and renew a steadfast spirit in me (Ps 51:10). I read in 2 Cor 1:8-10 that Paul was "burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that he despaired even of life" while preaching the Gospel. I'm not the first! What comfort! Paul goes on to say that "we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in who we trust that He will still deliver us. Paul in Phil 1:7 tells us that God will complete his good work in us until the day of Jesus Christ. God doesn't stop working in me. And lastly I was greatly encouraged my Psalm 34:15-22 where I read that the righteous are not promised a life without strife, but God will hear my cry and deliver me from all afflictions.

A girlfriend from the Bible Study wrote me an email this past Thursday, March 11 stating that she had prayed for me that morning and was wondering how I was doing. I responded, "I was wondering why my joy was being restored that day, and now I know." Yesterday I told my husband about the email and he said he too was praying this past week. I must not take for granted the prayers of the saints.

Be encouraged and press on!