Parenting in the Pew

I recently finished reading Parenting in the Pew: Guiding Your Children into the Joy of Worship by Robbie Castleman and would definitely recommend it. We began our family in a church that promotes the entire family worshiping together in Sunday morning service, so the ideas in her book weren't shocking but encouraging and supportive.  Castleman had a lot of new points for us to apply with our toddlers as well, and I'd like to highlight some of her ideas and thoughts that might have been new to me or were a reinforcement of our beliefs.

We are teaching our children not to just go to church, but to go to worship. We ourselves need to understand that worship is not for our benefit, but for God's glory. Worship training is important because we want our children to know God and love Him.  We need to enforce in our training how God wants our attention, time, and love and therefore worship is important. p25

Most Sundays I just want to listen and take good notes. Having to train my children during this time is a challenge! However, as Castleman points out, there is only one thing that we will do for all of eternity - worship. I can go into Sunday worship with one of two attitudes: 

1. Sunday morning sermons are the longest hour of the week 

OR 

2. I am providing the very best preparation for eternal joy (21). 

Sunday mornings should be a time of joy and closeness, not strife and estrangement (43). Castlemen says we should announce on Sundays that the very best day of the week is about to begin and we are going to meet Jesus for him to give us a big hug. Making Sundays joyful means preparing for it on Saturday evening (choosing clothes, diaper bag packed, not staying up late, etc). 

Sometimes I would really like for my kids to be able to sit with another family in church to give me a break, but Castleman challenged me with her explanation she would tell her children when they desired to sit with friends.

It is much harder to pay attention to God when you want to pay attention to your friend. 

You will have time later to be with your friend; right now Jesus wants all of our attention 

because he has something to say to us. (p56)

I actually had to use this explanation this morning with Adeline. I also took the approach of maybe she would not be distracted from worship if she sat with her friend, but her friend could be distracted. 

Training children in worship means that you will need to quietly speak to them all throughout the service.  Hopefully you have a congregation that supports you in your efforts. Ask questions and/or make a comment as each part of worship takes place. Make personal applications where ever possible to help the children relate. 

When listening to a music prelude without words, help your children think about what the song makes them think about. For the younger children, give them themes to think about (God's creation, Noah, Jesus feeding the 5,000, etc.). Castleman suggests training for this part in the home with classical music and to not always focus on a spiritual theme but let the kids use their imaginations to tell you what that music invokes in their minds.

Bringing toddlers to worship isn't all about making them be quite and training an externally well-behaved child. We are training their hearts, and therefore coloring books, crayons, and the such can't be brought to worship because in the end you are only producing a quiet and well-distracted child. While at the younger ages this seems a bit harsh, you might as well start early so you don't have an 8 or 10 year old who has yet learn how to worship. We allow the kids to have a piece of paper and a pencil and once the sermon is introduced I try to draw an idea or write a main word for the kids to trace, draw, or write themselves. Castleman suggests that you don't start training until the age of 4. I can see how that is practical, but I don't think it's necessary to not bring in your younger ones. I LOVE CHURCHES WITH CRYING/TRAINING ROOMS!. 

After the service we have started asking questions about a theme/idea/word/illustration used in the service. One of Scott's ideas was to have Adeline make a check mark every time she heard a key word in the message. 

This picture had the key words mal (bad), bueno (good), and Cristo (Christ). She did good job for her first try. I honestly think trying to train them in a worship service in Spanish is more difficult than if it was in English. But recently Adeline has been doing a GREAT job singing along with songs we sing often. Darton has been known to pipe in a word or two himself :)

There is SO much more in Castleman's book to share, so I do hope you pick up a copy for yourself.